the "choice language" challenge
You can do this challenge in 24 hours. You might learn more about Accepting Agency from this experiment than you ever could reading descriptions of the principles.
You'll practice communicating precisely in a way that'll help you notice how many choices you have and how well you're doing at honoring your agency and other people's agency.
Let's Get to It! | Here's What to Do:
1 - Learn the Ground Rules
2 - Do the Challenge!
3 - Record Your Discoveries
Here are the rules: for 24 hours (or another length of time you pick), you'll do your best to avoid speaking, writing, or thinking the following phrases:
> "Have to."
> "Should."
> "Must..
> "Need to" (except in certain situations---see below).
> Other phrases that imply that you or others don't have a choice.
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Replace those phrases with one of the following:
> "Want to".
> "Choose to".
> Sentences like "need to ____ in order to ____" that communicate that there is a choice that will lead to a certain outcome.
> Other phrases that emphasize that you and others can choose each thing.
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Here are some examples:
> Replace "You have to turn this by 4" with "I want you to turn this in by 4" or "You'll need to turn this in by 4 or it will be marked tardy."
> Replace "I need to go to the store" with "I'm choosing to go to the store so we have food to eat".
> Replace "I need to get home" with "I'm going to go home. I don't want George to be worried."
Do the challenge for 24 hours (or another length of time you chose).
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If you catch yourself saying, thinking, or writing one of the phrases you're trying to avoid, that's OK. Just catch yourself and say, think, or write it again with a replacement phrase that emphasizes agency.
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Throughout the day, you might write down quick notes about realizations you're having as you do this.
At the end of the challenge, write in your journal (and maybe talk with someone else) about what you learned about Accepting Agency and Communicating Effectively. Include how you'll apply what you learned.
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What you write might teach you more than anything written on this site ever could about agency.
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And feel free to reach out to us and let us know what you learned! We'd love to learn from you!
Should I Always Talk Like This?
There's that word "should"! ;-)
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Words have power within their context. Words like "should", "must", and "need" could be used in a way that does not discourage agency or that even promotes it. It depends on the people involved, the situation, the tone of voice, etc.
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This exercise isn't intended to make anyone feel like they have to avoid certain words for the rest of the lives. The intention is to use precise language for a short experiment to help you learn about agency. But if you find that you like using more choice-promoting words all the time, go for it!
